omg some of these soccer people are like YOU KILLED ME OMG GONNA DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE MY LEG YOU BROKE
MY LEG YOU _ *pause* .... i'm the only one out here …
it's The Dive
a sacred art
must slow down time enough to pull exactly the right grimace
a frozen howl with the eyes closed
a weird jerking convulsion of pain
it is hardest performance art on the planet
and somewhere MAXIMUS is just – glaring
these modern men are all convulsions
and no fighting spirit!
think a herd of cattle would have better luck
or even... chickens
at least they would
have earned their red cards
this is true! one must not put a half-hearted effort into their
you may as well earn them
snap the other play in half or something
like to see tealc play
*uses staff weapon*
zat .. first shot = yellow, second = red, third.....
well the third got the ref
*stargate poses as goal*
team: . . .
Nuby: Noooooooo BINGO!
Ra - goldkeeper : *inspects fingernails*
*Nuby flounders past in high heels and hits him*
Ra: *HAND DEVICE GLOWING*
GT: I think he chipped a gold nail...
ref: YELLOW CARD
Caz: He didn't exactly use it though, did he?
Rodney: You're defending him?!
*hand device glows*
*nuby falls to the ground writhing in pain*
*a ball falls from the black hole*
Oma: It was done with such art.
Beckett: Aye, a perfect 10.
Rodney: What th - no the - this isn't ice hockey!
Jack: Ya think?
elly: wtf are you all doing
Teal'c: It would seem that they are in fact doing... nothing.
Ra: I resent that.
Nuby: I resent you.
*Ra dives on top of him and punches repeatedly*
elly: why is the ball pink
Beckett: Why is Ra on Ba'al?
Caz: I WAS TOO LATE IN TYPING THAT
Rodney: Wait, why is Carson alive?
Beckett: Your point is... *menacing*
elly: i'm – disturbed...
Ba'al: If you do not get off me, you will have to try out for the women's team.
GT: Ok, there's just some things you never should cut off.
Osiris: ... i'm not sure where i'm supposed to be
*a map floats from the ceilling and has YOU ARE HERE printed next to a funny dark smudge*
Black Hole: BURRRRP
Rodney: Are you guys actually going to black some football or are you just there to look pretty?
Nuby: You think I look pretty?
elly: black some football?
Rodney: I - wait - what -
ba'al; *paws at pink ball*
*Oma picks up a white ball and sprays black patches on it*
Ra: That ball is not world cup standard!
Caz: Would you like to donate one of your own then?
GT: His aren't up to that standard...
elly: FIFA would be appalled at this
rodney: we fed that to the black hole AGES ago
elly: you cna't feed an organisation to a black hole
*Black Hole spits out a date*
GT: *eats date*
Oma: That's all that was left
nuby: *streaks through field*
Caz: Security team to the midfield!
*Ra raises hand device*
Beckett: This is no' handball, son!
Caz: Keeps your hands off the ball at all times
Zelenka: This means you, OMA!
ball: *flies at - the wrong goal*
*the goal laughs at ba'al*
ba'al: I'm conquering you
Goal: I will demolecularise you.
ba'al: ... my material of choice is leather
ba'al: my hobies aare torture and sex - you figure it out
Goal: In that order?
jack: um - stargate is rated... lower than that
sam: *shrug* it's canon
Oma: I seem to remember you enjoying at least one of those, General O'Neill.
Zelenka: WHAT - WHEN DID THIS -
Rodney: Ba'al captured him, duh.
Jack: It isn't what it sounds like.
elly: enjoy is a strong word
elly: most people ENDURE you
Ra: *moves away*
replicator: this is so wrong
*soccer ball skids towards replicator*
*a cashew eats it*
elly: wtf in what universe do cashews have teath?
*many cashews form*
Caz: Oh shi-
*cashews bow to replicator*
*GT hides under table*
Nuby: OW! Watch where you're hiding!
Ra: Quit touching me.
GT: *not sorry* Hey I did not - *shakes fist at narrator in futile resistance*
Cashews: There is no one to stop us this time.
*the lights go out*
ba'al: i know you're all looking at me
rodney: we're not looking at anything genius
Ra: I am looking at the ceiling.
Random Voice: QUIT TOUCHING ME
Ra: That was not me.
Ba'al: That was me. (devil)
*more cashews appear*
*thor beams in*
Thor: KNEEL BEFORE THOR.
GT: We're totally kneeling...
elly: how many times AMBIVILENT OVERLORDS
Zelenka: Ano, kill one and another appears. If not, then you are the head of the science department
Zelenka: Did you ever ask yourself Rodney, who put the lemon juice in your drink bottle, hm?
Oma: *preens* They grow up so fast
ra: *starts building a pyramid out of spectators*
Beckett: They are preparing to do the Tau'ri-an Wave
GT: Is that like Mexican...
Oma: Yes, it burns on the way out.
pink football: *unloved*
replicator: ... but i love you both...
elly: NO INANIMATE OBJECT THREESOMES
The Chair: FOURSOME!
Caz: Dear God.
Rodney: Why can't I look away?
GT: This is like that Tetris porn fanfic I read.
ref: RED CARD!
Nuby: *eats it*
Nuby: *eats ref*
rodney: why don't you get a leash for that thing
Ra: the leash is too civil
ba'aL: I have – things
Caz: *sideways glance* Things?
elly: you were there.......
Rodney: When did this -
GT: So that's what the chloroform was for...
Nuby: *eats it*
Stargate: Activate me. (angel)
Ra: with pleasure (devil)
ba'al: AND YOU THINK I"M WRONG
Rodney: I think I should cover my eyes
Stargate: If there is pleasure involved, then we have a long way to go...
Rodney: *peeks through fingers*
Caz: I - this - YES I WANT A MCKAY ON THE ROCKS QUICK
GT: sorry - cake or death?
Beckett: Ye should not be so concerned with McKay's rocks.
Caz: As opposed to yours? *to GT* Give me DEATH.
Oma: Slow down we've got all night.
Caz: Not really.
Oma: I wasn't talking to you. (devil)
Zelenka: *lacks clothing*
GT: well, we're - you're supposed to pick CAKE
Caz: *suspicious* why what's in the cake
GT: nothing - there is no cake
Fork: There is no spoon.
Caz: I must sleep.
I mean, I really need sleep
elly: me too - really really
Caz: RED CARD :D
Beckett: What'd I do?
Caz: ... you survived >_>
Nuby: NASTY cliffhanger
Zelenka: *still has no clothes*