HYPERCAZ

whatcha doin'?

eating strawberries, watching sliders and smiling over a little imaginary life i had

eating strawberries!

yes strawberries

you will remember Thor went on a journey to get cashews

yes

he brought back strawberries and cloned them

!

do they still have seeds?

lmao

well i'm not sure

they've turned into red blobs

but they taste great

*gets weird images comparing asgard to strawberries*

*aboard the ship the IMMUNITY*

Thor: I believe this cloned body has a little red tinge now.

Heimdall: Oh dear.

Hermiod: I feel a little green as of late.

nuby: tastes good though

room: *SHOCK*

Thor: I only have enough bodies for myself, let alone Nuby's appetite.

*LORD OF THE STRAWBERRIES ENTERS*

LOTS: HOW DARE YOU

YOU WILL PAY

FOR INTERBREEDING STRAWBERRIES AND ASGARDS

rodney: eeww...

ewwwwwwwww

elly: don't think about it too much

Caz: Is that even possible?

rodney: don't tell me what not to think or i'll start EWWW

Carson Beckett got out charts and diagrams to explain the biology of it all.

This was the grossest briefing in the history of Tau'ri.

*the goa'uld's in the room raise their hands* and of the gods!

But not for them all.

Teyla had seen worse.

For some reason everyone was on Atlantis.

she's not tau'ri

anyone going to explain how humans populated the pegasus?

Carson Beckett got out diagrams and charts to explain.

"Once upon a time there was an Asgard named Michael Jackson..."

*BOOM!*

*the windows implode*

eh. *caz grabs chalk*

*bursts into tears*

*nuby eats chalk*

this isn't making sense

Late Nights usually MAKE SENSE

well i've been having weird dreams

i'll be having a nightmare about school

when suddenly Beckett turns to the camera

he says, "DR. CARSON BECKETT"

Caz says, "HYPERCAZ"

*a centaur wanders on to the set*

Centaur: Mars is bright tonight.

elly: you moron, it's venus

*werewolf wanders onto set*

Werewolf: MOON

Caz: NOOOOOOOOOOO!

Nuby: AWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

A hush fell over Atlantis.

Zelenka ran down the corridor, nude and covered in petrol.

elly: :o

oma: i got bored of oil

Um. *vainly hits backspace*

Katie Brown saw Zalanka and swooned. Zelenka turned around and fwaped her for thinking his name wrong.

When in fact Caz had on purposely spelt it wrong for no purpose whatsoever other than for a space filler.

you know, i have no idea where my cat is...

*elly's cat wandered past Zelenka*

*Zelenka tripped*

*Zelenka fell*

*Zelenka rolled off a balcony*

*on to the WHALE OF DOOM*

rodney: eh, glitch in the matrix

*the previous events repeat themselves*

rodney: dodgy cheap scape

*the previous events repeat themselves*

Caz: Are we on a budget now?

*the backdrop falls over*

elly: couldn't have anything to do with Thor's beaming bill could it?

Thor: My stone was stolen.

elly: confiscated

elly: there's a difference

ba'al: yeah, thieves return things

Ford: It's the triple breasted whore of Gallumbis 6!

Caz: What the...

Ford: I am the only Ford.

Beckett: Yer no alien from Betelgeuse, son.

Ford: I am many Fords.

*Ford turns into a Ford*

rodney: vroom vroom!

*Rodney pulls out his wand - *

Oma: Put that away before you hurt someone.'

*not THAT wand*

Oma: Of which wand do you speak?

*a magical wand*

Oma: Yes?

*sparks come out the end*

*nuby morphs into new form*

Nuby: *admires himself*

elly: take that off at once! it doesn't do anything for you!

*Nuby now resembles Sam Beckett + the hair*

nuby: *sulks*

Caz: Freow. Sam Beckett hair.

*Carson Beckett glares at Nuby*

Daniel: Did someone mention a wand?

Rodney: WAND! REDUCIO!

*Ford shrinks into a mini car*

Rodney: Vroom, vroom. (6)

elly: first warning then i confiscate it!

Oma: I can see through clothing, Dr McKay, and that is not reducio.

elly: BAD RODNEY!

Rodney: I swear elly it's for you.

CAZ: GOD

all: :o

*clouds thunder*

God: Yes?

Caz: Erm, nevermind.

elly: woo!

elly: i mean, i'm mad at you!

mckay: but-

elly: put ford down at once! no, don't run him into the black hole, that's not very nice!

*Black Hole moves menacingly closer*

rodney: (6)

Black Hole: I'll take them both

Beckett: *mutters* engorgio

Nuby: CHECK ZIT OUT

elly: OY, get your, um - whatever it is you have away from the assets...

Caz: No no no no

:o

Beckett: I gave him what he finally wanted.

elly: my my, have fun...

Caz: That was bad.

Beckett: I turned him into a tripod.

wait

Ra: Camera? Please let it be a camera.

HOLD ON

WHAT DID BECKETT DO!

AH!

*rewind*

PUT HIM BACK THE WAY HE WAS!

NO MORE OR LESS

*Beckett muttered engorgio and Nuby became a tripod...*

Ra: *hopefully* Camera?

Oma: Not quite.

*Nuby hobbles around*

elly: i told you nuby, take it off!

Nuby: So am I sexy yet?

nuby: but i'm a real boy!

Oma: *revolted*

All: *revolted*

Nuby: You can leave your hat -

*Daniel kicks Nuby over a...*

*cliff?*

*all females* : ow...

*into a wormhole?*

Yoda: Not bad archaeology boy.

Beckett: Reducio.

Rodney: HEY! I was using that!

CAZ: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

thor: *eyes yoda*

Beckett: Relax, it was Ford.

Caz: You made Ford even smaller?

*Yoda eyes Thor*

Thor: Nice lightsabre.

*yoda shrinks*

*thor doesn't - we'll let you work out why*

thor: you got nothing

yoda: bite me

yoda: is that a staff?

TOYODA!

thor: perhaps...

*Ford turns into a Toyoda*

OMG!

you CASHEW!

Banana: Who me?

darn beat me to it

thor: "oh what a feeling...."

Beckett: *eyeing caz* Oh what a feeling.

*VERY BAD ORDER OF WORDS*

Caz: My dear, I think you need a reducio charm in public.

dumbledore: I never taught this.

Beckett: Slytherin :D(6)

*mckay walks up to elly* i don't...

elly: put that away before you hurt yourself or somebody around you

Ford: *squeaks*

Yoda: *squeaks*

Nuby: *squeaks*

Mouse: *squeaks*

*Mouse runs back to computer*

*replicator walks past with a huge letter R on its back*

*the computer purs*

mckay: creepy...

Beckett: Aye, extremely creepy.

Caz: Um I just found an interesting device.

*the men stand around comparing -um, shoe sizes....*

*women ignore and look at interesting device*

Oma: Oh I remember that.

Caz: What is it?

beckett: *raises eyebrow suggestively*

Oma: Nevermind. I need to find Zelenka and .... use it.

*Caz looks at Beckett*

Caz: You need bigger jeans, my love.

elly: oh pull yourself out of the tree for a second

elly: nah, leave it that way

Nuby: What tree?

*a tree grows out of the ocean*

elly: i might put mckay's through the wash...

Caz: Are we talking about trees or...shoes?

elly: it was a metaphor!

elly: well, monkey's with large um, feet tend to think about things that primitive tree dwellers think about...

Beckett: My shoe needs a bigger size.

Caz: BECKETT!

right that made no sense

Beckett: My key needs a lock.

Caz: BECKETT!

mckay: haha! my feet are bigger than yours

elly: Plural? that's wishful thinking

mckay: :o

Daniel: We're not talking about trees and shoes are we?

Oma: Ford's shoes were microscopic when he was his proper size.

teryl: I've come to lay carpet!

*Ford squeaks indignantly*

OMG CARPET

*Amanda runs screaming*

*Daniel looks at Teryl*

Daniel: I feel I should know you.

Teryl: What's your shoe size?

Daniel: What has that got to do with anything?

elly: HEY! OUT OUT OUT! we lay the carpet around here

Beckett: I really need to lay carpet soon.

Caz: BECKETT!

teryl:  *sigh* was he always a size 8?

mckay: i hope that's not in inches

Thor: Centimetres.

elly: *fwap*

rodney: what was that for?

elly: living in a tree

Daniel: What the.

Beckett: Trees are nice scratching posts.

Caz: Bloody Furling.

elly: i knew there was a reason asgard measured things in microns

Heimdall: I object. Thor is the most superior Asgard I know.

Daniel: Superior...intellect?

Caz: Daniel. you're clueless.

*a child wanders into the convo*

*sirens are set off*

*ba'al rocks up* my feet appear to be of quite considerable size

elly: hence why i let you live

Nuby: WHAT IS THAT IT'S HIDEOUS

Ba'al: :@

Nuby: Not you...it!

Ba'al: :@ :@ :@

*child is caged*

*cage is deported*

Caz: Wait I thought nuby was dead..

elly: THOR! I TOLD YOU TO LOCK THE DOOR!

thor: i was preoccupied

yoda: Yeah, with the staff

Caz: Who and the staff exactly?

elly: You can keep that kind of intel to yourself

Thor: The staff.

Heimdall: Interested device.

Thor & Heimdall: (6)

Caz: That's...not right.

Beckett: Aye, not right at all.

*mckay and ba'al advance*

elly: Um, caz.... i think i might have to go - for, a while...

Caz: Oh?

Beckett: What she means, lass...

Caz: *raises eyebrows*

Beckett: Is that she's trying on shoes.

elly: :o

just - :o

GT: i have to stop drinking so much...

Daniel: Shoes...carpet...heh.

*Daniel passes out*

Khalek: I'll have what he's having.

*attaches new sign to the door that says, "rompus room"

Beckett: *to Caz* Care for a romp?

Caz: I thought you wanted a scratching post...

yes, shoes...

omg that hillarious!

*elly tries on several pairs of shoes*

Oma: Every Ancient outpost must have a "ROMPus room"

*Caz takes off Beckett's shoes*

*Caz puts on Beckett's shoes*

Beckett: It was a metaphor...

omg that was cleaver than i  thought

Nuby: *manic* Where's the cleaver?

*all back away*

elly: evening wear, day wear, causal wear....

*Nuby dates a cleaver*

elly: only if there are no sheep left wear

Rodney: Sheep?

Daniel: Sheep (6)

Elly: you can't date an adjective!

elly: :o

*narrator adds that a cleaver is a KNIFE*

Nuby: reeee reeee reeee

Beckett: Is he trying to imitate Norman Bates?

Norman Bates: Pathetic.

*the room cringes in sympathy pain*

*what has Nuby lopped off?*

Caz: THAT'S IT

*Caz fwaps the narrator - !*

*elly, rodney and ba'al migrate to the pink couch*

*Beckett grabs Caz*

Caz: Um...

*Beckett throws Caz onto black leather couch*

Caz: Um...

elly: a woman can never have enough shoes

Caz: I only have one pair and they're well worn.

rodney: comfy?

elly: STOP TALKING

rodney: why?

elly: it does nothing for your feet

Daniel: *realisation hits*

Daniel: SO FEET ARE -

*yes*

Daniel: FEET ARE -

*yes*

*Daniel faints again*

daniel: I'm sensing this isn't about shoes

Sherlock Holmes: No shit.

Caz: Isn't that usually...huh?

oma: well, you know what they say about hands...

*the room pauses*

Beckett: Well ye gotta have a big handful...

Caz: BECKETT!

zelenka: uh oh

*elly chokes* I'M SORRY?

*has this Late Nights crossed into a the Final Frontier, a higher rating?!?!*

well, we did just spend the entire convo talking about - shoe sizes and carpet...

Beckett: In Furling culture, Furling's hands match their mate's...

Caz: BECKETT!

Oma: Is that the only thing in your vocab, Caz?

Caz: Well in the kitchen...

Beckett: CAZ!

Zelenka: Leather. Is sticky.

*all* huh?

Oma: what were you doing with the leather?

Zelenka: Leather. Is sticky. With oil.

Caz: Um no comments about the leather while Beckett ties me down to it.

oma: NO! BAD ZELENKA!

elly: you want the chocolate?

Jon Edwards: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Caz: Chocolate?! WHERE?!

elly: oma has it

elly: she ran out of caramel

*Zelenka looks at chocolate*

*he wrinkles his nose*

ba'al: i got the strawberry

*Oma pulls out a carrot stick*

elly: :o

*Zelenka runs at carrot stick*

Caz: THAT WAS MY STRAWBERRY!

Oma: who's a good bunny?

Zelenka: Me me me

elly: MINE!

Caz: If I wasn't tied down I'd fight you for t.

elly: stay out of it cotton tail

*Beckett advances on Caz*

zelenka: but i don't have a *beam* darn...

Caz: I feel I should cry for help.

oma: :D

Daniel: I'm so confused.

*ELIZABETH WEIR RUNS INTO THE BACKDROP*

ba'al and rodney advance with strawberry sauce

*it falls over again*

*curtain descends on the Immunity playhouse*

Nuby: IT fell over again? *looks down*

*pause*

okay, so theatre could have been a better choice

*what, exactly, fell down?*

Caz: Playhouse? Why - oomf!

*Beckett is snogging Caz*

*also has case of the MEA -*

elly is - busy...

GT: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

um night caz!

Beckett: MEANDERING HANDS (6)

must go to sleep while in great mood lmao!

GT: MEA MEA MEA - *faints*

farethewell elly

elly: your day will come

*a female technician appears*

*this defies Stargate Laws*

*thus ending conversation*

*Beckett picks up Caz and takes her into a private room*

i think this qualifies as Late Nights - your thoughts?

latenight qualifier?

it's very risque this one

lmao i asked you first!

we never actually said - anything...

*the playhouse falls down*

*under rubble*

GT: Damn this budget.

*the screen starts fading*

Beckett turned to the camera and said - looking dishevelled -

"Size matters."

*END*