*white van pulls up*

*Caz hides in Beckett's sure embrace*

*Beckett wraps lab coat around Caz*

*there's a knock at the door*

Elly: WHO is it?

*lab coat guy* WE have a package

elly: who for?

lcg: a mrs beckett

elly: CAZ! get the door!

Caz: *hides* no

elly: wuss. *opens door*

*narrator knocks elly over*

elly: OW!

*narrator opens door and promptly disappears in puff of purple smoke*

elly: :-O

mckay: great, now what?

Caz: We have to narrate without the omnipresent voice. :-O

Beckett: This will not bode well...

*narrator appears in centre of the room*

Narrator: You can't get rid of me that easily

Beckett: Oh well. No harm in trying. (6)

Caz: BECKETT! Was that you?

Beckett: No comment.

*straight jacket disappears from narrator and reappears on beckett*

beckett: HEY!

narrator: THAT’S for accusing me of something i didn't do

*Caz tears straight jacket of Beckett*

Beckett: Eager are we?

Caz: Not in public!

elly: EXCUSE ME! more than one couple needs to live in this - um, room?

Caz: Don't yell at me - it's his fault.

A Message

[warning that this message almost went a bit explicit but Caz caught it in time and instead will write:] Risque stuff happened. Caz and Beckett went to bed.

White Coats

*there's a knock at the door*

elly: could you get the rodney?

rodney: ME? oh fine then *he walks to the door* ELLY! did you order 4 men in white coats?

Caz: I only need one man in a white coat.

The Truth About Narim

One day Samantha Carter went walking in the park.

She saw, sitting on the bench and breathing the air, NARIM!

oh narim!

Sam backtracked and stared.

Narim did not notice her.

Sam stared.

Elizabeth Weir turned up

and kissed NARIM

*blink*

NARIM kissed her

bad narim!

Sam stared.

Sam walked up and said loudly, "Aren't you meant to be DEAD?"

Narim detached himself - and I say detached - from Elizabeth and explained, "I got beamed out by Scotty and decided to live my days as SIMON! on earth"

Nudist Saturday

*puts spiked collar on mckay*

*the men in white coats advance*

elly: Ba'al!

ba'al: what

*Caz snuggles up to her man in the white coat*

elly: take care of the pizza boys, i don't want any ascended pizzas tonight

*Caz blanches*

Caz: Are you –

Beckett: Yes. (6)

Caz: Is that –

Beckett: Does it matter?

Caz: No. (6)

Caz: You know you'd only do that for one thing.

Beckett: Aye.

*Caz and Beckett race into kitchen*

*the narrator sits there, not wanting to write what Caz and Beckett were talking about*

*elly sighs and drags mckay around the room by the collar*

Narrator: *to GT* You know what?

GT: What?

Narrator: I'm glad there was at least one thing covering there.

GT: Oh so you mean –

Narrator: Yes.

GT: That's just –

Narrator: Oh yes.

*Caz and Beckett come out*

Daniel: I'm lost. What was everyone talking about?

narrator: why the hell not

GT: *flippantly* Beckett was wearing only his lab coat before.

All: *look at Beckett*

Beckett: What's this now? I'm wearing clothes now.

gt: oh i must have forgot to tell you all! nudist bar on saturday night

elly: :-O

Beckett: I was wearing something.

nuby: *goes to strip*

elly: NO!!!!!!!!!!!:-O

Caz: Only a lab coat.

ALL: NO NUBY! PUT IT AWAY!

Caz: So if this really is Nudist Night...

*Nude Zalenka runs past screaming as Oma chases him*

All: BLINK

GT! PUT SOMETHING ON! you're serving food for immunity's sakes!

mckay: that's not all he's serving...

*Caz starts to take off her jacket*

elly: i'm going to pretend you never said that

Beckett: *growls*

Caz: What?

Beckett: I am the only one allowed to see ye.

*Caz and Beckett reach an agreement*

*both wear labcoats*

*thor beams in*

*appears right at home in nudist saturday*

*Caz and Beckett snuggle on lounge*

Caz: Beckett quit putting your hands there.

Narrator: Not-writing-anymore-not-writing-anymore

zelenka: LEAVE WHILE YOU CAN OR YOU’LL END UP IN SERVITUDE TO AN ORI!

OMA: marriage darling

Beckett: Ultimate enslavement - marriage.

Caz: *fwaps Beckett*

Beckett: Sorry, sorry.

mckay: elly cuts straight to the enslavement

elly: *pulls on mckay's leesh*

Caz: At least marriage is a nice enslavement.

*Beckett carries Caz off*

*men in white coats hang out at the bar*

*oma creates a nice mood mist*

Star Trekkin'

Rodney: It's worse than that, he's dead, Liz, dead Liz, dead Liz!

Elizabeth: Quit singing sci-fi parody songs and kiss me!

Rodney: Ah! But I must act angsty over Grodin's death!

The Fast Food Song

mcwe-----ir mcwe------ir

sheppard and teyla

and beckett/chair

Blackmail Material

BECKETT FIGURE!!!!!

OMG!!!!!!!

I WOULD SLEEP WITH IT! I mean *COUGH*

*COUGH*

omg how wrong

did that sound

*hides*

*reads the above very carefully*

oh frak.

that ..... came out ....

frak indeed

*considers considerable blackmail material just delivered*

Spoof of Caz's Poisoning the Well chapter in her fic Moments

*Caz's exaggerated role play thing*

Rodney: Um, why?

Elizabeth: Because you're his friend.

Rodney: BUT I DONT HAVE ANY FRIENDS

Liz: I'm your friend!

Rodney: But one day you'll be my LOVAH

Liz: True dat.

Liz: But Beckett is ya friend

Rodney: Is he?

Liz: Yes.

Rodney: Really?

Liz: Really.

Liz: Now go and console him!

Rodney: NO!

Liz: Why not?

Rodney: Kiss first.

Liz: But that's not for several chapters.

Rodney: Meh.

Rodney-Pizza

and in other news Elizabeth enjoyed a Rodney-Pizza

hey! :-O she's supposed to get with him not devour him - in that sense - aww crap

but if she put the topping on him and didn't eat him per se

*considers this* nah, bring on the strawberry sauce

Dangerous Ideas

I have come to the conclusion that Paul McGillion looks sexy no matter what he's doing. Being shot, being choked.....

Beckett muttered under his breath, "She's getting ideas."

Multiply

"More!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Oma hollered.

Zelenka ran in fright.

He yelled over his shoulder, "We have enough children!!!!!!!!!"

eww. they're multiplying but what?

wererabbits?

well i do remember writing that zelenka and oma had 12 children

Light Bulb

*a light bulb floats over Caz's head*

*she swats at it*

*it threatens to shatter*

Light bulb: I am your daily bright idea!

Caz: *suspiciously* What's today's bright idea?

Light bulb: What am I? Your idea generator? I'm just the messenger.

Brain Wave Manipulation

Rodney McKay was a genius. In fact, he was a dangerous genius.

strawberry covered genius

on his days off.

(is he with you or Liz in this?)

whichever you decide lmao - i have the original anyway

Rodney was experimenting with brain wave manipulation!

"I don't think that is a smart idea," Zelenka commented, ever the cautious one.

And for good reason.

John Sheppard and Ronan Dex were racing each other on someone's X-Box.

Ronan beat the crap out of John. John was so angry he kicked the X-Box into the wall. Strangely, this jolted the whole city.

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

there is freaking caterpillar on my keyboard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and it dropped off a strawberry i was about to eat!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG LMAO!

*inspects own strawberries*

nope mine are fine

anyway! where was I?

oh yes. x-box

Rodney's brain manipulator thingymajigy was jolted by this and blasted Zelenka!!!!!!!!!

Zelenka, spluttering, was about to strangle McKay!

Then Zelenka realised something...

His hands were furry!

damn retrovirus

Rodney pointed at elly, "What she said."

"You have Dr Beckett's retrovirus in here?!" Exclaimed Zelenka.

Rodney snorted, "Don't be ridiculous. It's my retrovirus. My rabbit retrovirus."

zelenka: what the frak is wrong with you??!!

Zelenka sprouted furry rabbit ears.

And a fluffy little tail!

He was upset. As you would be.

And Zelenka hopped from the labs!

Rodney: He took that badly.

Caz: Ya think?!

elly: BAD Rodney

you'll have to punish him...

i will...

Zelenka hopped into the infirmary.

“What on Earth?" Beckett didn't bother to hide his astonishment, "Since when were you are rabbit, Radek?"

"Since McKay made me grow fluff!!!!!!!"

oma: RODNEY!!!

*oma narrowed her eyes*

*ALL look to the sky*

Caz: You're in trouble now, bucko!

Zelenka now looked like a huge rabbit.

*rodney runs over to elly*

elly: OH no you don't

Oma appeared in the infirmary.

Zelenka jumped so high he hit his head on the ceiling.

Beckett merely said, "Hello."

*Caz suffered a swooning fit*

Caz: Oi...there's a patient who needs doctoring here. I'm suffering from a swooning fit.

something tells me beckett won't help

Beckett immediately ran to assist.

*caz fainted again*

elly: see...

Zelenka was really freaked out by Oma and now that he really WAS a bunny he was even more freaked out.

Oma offered to turn him back.

Zelenka narrowed his eyes, "Why are you being nice to me?"

Oma: awww sweetie... is that a trick question?

zelenka: no miss, 'needle in a chess board'

Beckett: *aside* Wait for the catch.

Oma muttered her terms in one of Zelenka's floppy ears.

Zelenka freaked out.

[insert czech expletives here]

She wouldn't turn him back unless he went into a storage closet with her!!!

Caz: I guess Ancients can handle any shape or form......

oh that was WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY TOO MUCH INFORMATION ROTFLMAOLOL

Zelenka was angry, "How am I supposed to choose?"

*Caz got bored suddenly*

Zelenka woke up the next day as a human.

*elly turns to camera* warning, stories may be subject to change without warning, we take no responsibility for caz's flings...

*beckett turns to camera* HEY tha' was MY LINE

Poor, poor Beckett.

Constantly being replaced by people.

*glares at Zelenka*

Zelenka: I'm the victim here!

no dude, you're the wabbit

Zelenka: I'm human now!

Caz: But you weren't yesterday. :D

Zelenka: Why do I get the feeling I made a bad mistake?

it's what's on the inside that counts

Rodney uses What's-On-The-Inside Goggles and looks at Zelenka.

"I'm seeing a wabbit," Rodney declared.

*Oma runs into the story again*

Oma: *to Zelenka* I'm pregnant!

Zelenka: *faints*

what so they're fire breathing bunnies?

genetics is not my strong suit

all i know is that half-Furlings look human sometimes

except their hair...

*holds up scissors in front of Beckett's face*

*a little pair of eyes blinks back from within the hair*

Beckett: There's nothing there, I swear.

Caz: Surrrrrrre.

Beckett: If you DARE cut my hair, I will groom yours!

Caz: eep.

oh the song i'm listening to just isn't giving me the best images

what is it?

Hallelujah - from shrek

she tied you to the kitchen chair"?

...she cut your hair

Beckett pleaded with elly, "Don't give Caz ideas!"

it came off way to kinky LMAO

sorry beckett but it did

Beckett looks for a good place to hide.

Caz smiles at him.

... she tied to a kitchen chair, she broke your throne she cut your hair and from your lips she drew the hallelujah

*Caz grabs Beckett and drags him into the next room*

*buys excessively large lock*

Rodney: That's the kitchen. Isn’t it?

you! you're with me

"You're not going to cut my hair are you?" Rodney asked nervously.

no. something else...

*Caz and Beckett return*

*both of them look like a 3-yr-old cut their hair*

Caz: There was a slight altercation.

*pats hair sadly*

you shouldn't multi task like that

*observes little creature in beckett's hair trying to find somewhere to hide*

Coming to a Bookstore Near You

Mulitasking by Caz and Beckett

a picture of scissors should suffice *sniggers*

*coughs* and a warning lol

What Not To Do With Handcuffs

Thor's Coyote Ugly Memoirs.....

The next big release in bookstores is, ah, penned by Heimdall the Asgard. It is titled Just What Gender Am I Anyway? It is expected to be a bestseller.

MAY CONTAIN NUTS

How to Avoid Enslavement by sin_

Negative Karma by Supratnt

Sexy System Lords Only by ellymelly

Guide to Inanimate Object Shipping by HyperCaz

Keeping Your Playboys on a Short Leash....

uh oh... lmao!

i wonder where this came from

*peeks inside*

it came.......from the future!

:D:D:D EXCELLENT

IT's called Tribbles, parodies, and night terrors!

general notice: ellymelly would like to announce the release of her new book; living with Ra, Nuby, Ba'al and Rodney - and you thought three was a crowd

Top Gun Antics

Caz: *to Beckett* Take me to bed or lose me forever!

Beckett: Ye've been watching Top Gun again.

Caz: Well?

Beckett: With pleasure, my dear.

*bolts door*

Stalking Antics

*stalks rodney*

*stalks ba'al*

Caz: Mr Beckett.

Beckett: Mrs Beckett.

*they snuggle and watch elly's stalking antics*

Equipment

*grabs Beckett and chocolate sauce*

*Beckett grabs rope*

Caz: Rope?

Beckett: You prefer scarves?

Caz: Handcuffs actually.

Beckett: I got those.

*Mr and Mrs Beckett disappear into closet*

Crossing Headaches

Cole Turner

Killed

Teyla Emmagan

John Sheppard: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so seriously what the hell are you on about? Lmao

Piper: Um...have you got the wrong show?

this is you isn't it

it's a dream

Caz: Oops

Teyla: Though it was painful.

Cole: My bad.

Piper, Prue and Phoebe: GET LOST!

Caz: AGH!

Beckett: No more Charmed for ye, lass.

Caz: Sorry...just seeing Rachel Luttrel KOed by an energy ball was distressing. But ya gotta admit the whole Piper/Leo freezing in bed thing is kinda kinky

*blinks*

Beckett: Thank goodness ye're not a witch with powers then.

Caz: *roughly quoting Leo in charmed* "You freeze me in bed for your pleasure"

ooooooooooooookay! LMAO!! :D and on that note i think it best i leave :D:D:D

Beckett: *to Charmed Ones* Stay away, stay FAR away.

elly: come on rodney, we'll leave the evil lady in peace, and her little... um, so not the most appropriate quote.

rodney: yeah, considering i'm wearing a collar as it is

Caz: I can freeze you to my pleasure!

Beckett: Let's leave the freezing out of it.

Caz: Not talking to you.

Beckett: To pleasure then?

Caz: Oohhhh yeah.

*they disappear for a long time*

*attaches large LARGE bolt to door and runs away with rodney and ba'al*

rodney: *whispering* brooke...

elly: I HEARD THAT

Ba'al: what's a brooke?

elly: SHUT UP

Caz: A brook is a river.

Running through various ports of call (6)

It’s a bb reference

*puts up sign that reads: DON'T COME AKNOCKIN WHEN THE WAGON IS A ROCKIN*

and let me tell you THIS wagon IS a rockin

Disturbing Drive

weir: zelenka... mmm

say NO to zeir :D

teyla: he's got those sticks again hasn't he?

audience: wonder what's he's gonna do with those sticks..

*Caz's Disturbing Drive explodes*

john: what am i gonna do with these sticks?

Kinky Idea

a quote that I related to scarily:

Low Rimmer: I'm going to thrash you to within an inch of your life. And then... I'm going to have you.

*Beckett gets a wee bit scared*

!

KINKY

Dirty Dancing Antics

Caz: *to Beckett* How about some dirty dancin' stud?

*Beckett mutters something in Caz's ear*

*Caz raises her eyebrows*

Caz: You already put a collar on me, remember?

Beckett: Oh, that's right.

March of the Penguins

and was there a penguin on your display pic just then?

or is it just me?

are you referring to beckett by any chance? LOL!

no! i could have sworn your pic just changed from a penguin to beckett

Furlings are penguins then?

are we sure they're furry enough? if that's the right way of putting that

Caz: Beckett, you don't by any chance have relatives in Antarctica do you?

Beckett: I have a few cousins, but Cousin It doesn't like me to talk about them.

Caz: Penguins, right?

Beckett: Aye, Emperor Penguins.

elly: so why are you so damn short?

rodney: he doesn't talk about that

Caz: He's got human blood...

Beckett: you wait, our kid will be taller than nuby!

caz: I certainly hope so

Caz: Wait a minute, why do I want a kid taller than Nuby?

elly: becasue nuby's a midget

Ra: He wears platforms.

nuby: *WHACK*

Ra: *FWAP*

*Nuby topples over*

*his platforms fall off*

nuby: *gets up* *WHACK*

Zelenka: Platforms are very undignified.

Daniel: Is that why you wear them?

Zelenka: No, to deter Oma.

Daniel: I think that'd just turn her on. Or something.

Oma: my little shortbread!

zelenka: *hops off*

*remembers amusing quote from Bridget Jones's Diary*

???

something along the lines of "doing it like rabbits"

Oma: Not a bad idea.

Zelenka: Jezis, I'm a dead man.

rodney: no dude, you're screwed

*sticks R post-it up*

Equations

Caz + Beckett = R rating

beckett + night = FUN

Hungry Eyes Antics

Beckett: *croons to Caz* Hungry eyes......

*admires spikes on a collar*

*Beckett is indeed looking at Caz with hungry eyes*

Caz: Maybe later. So you actually have a spiked collar then?

*goes out to purchase one*

rodney: :-O

Caz: *to beckett* Keep your "hungry eyes" to yourself. *to Rodney* It's not so bad.

Damn Those Typos

poooooooooooooor beckett

*gives him a long hug*

*Caz attacks elly*

Caz: Hands on my goods

Caz:...I mean, husband.

Sure

*Caz elbows elly out of the way and kisses Beckett for an extended period of time*

*the narrator is the only means of communication during this time period*

elly: HEY i only do what i am told!

OH CRAP

I MEANT OFF

I'm such a twit.

yes yes you are

*Caz raises fists and shakes it at the sky*

Caz: Damn the typos!

Hospital Antics

*beckett walks past and sees lemming*

oY! OUT OF IT!

*chases it out of daydream*

beckett: so just dream then?

elly: SHUT UP

Caz: aw did elly yell at you?

Beckett: Aye, she did.

Caz: You want me to kiss you better?

Beckett: Where exactly?

elly: HELLO ICK PEOPLE!

Caz & Beckett: Sorry

rodney: where do you want this collar

elly: wouldn't you like to know

Caz: Why do you insist on me wearing a hospital gown?

Beckett: So I can play doctor.

Caz: Yeah, but I can't be the naughty nurse for once?

Beckett: If ye insist.

Stuffed

*Caz holds up her little stuffed bunny*

*it's so cute and furry and brown*

oma: and MINE NOW

*Caz passes it over to Oma*

*Oma holds it delicately, grinning wickedly*

Oma: I am going to call it Radek.

Radek the Stuffed Animal: *preens*

Radek the Stuffed Human: AHHHHHH!

stuffed as in STUFFED