BEFORE YOU READ: please note that
Rodney's costume is Darkwing Duck and Elizabeth's is Princess Leia. Zelenka is dressed up as a bunny.
Also, references to: The Hitchhiker's
Guide to the Galaxy, Galaxy Quest, Back to the Future and Superman.
The energy spike led Elizabeth and Rodney
directly to a disused unisex Ancient bathroom, located at the very top of the tower. The first thought that crossed both of
their minds was that they’d never seen this many public toilets with privacy screens in the entire city. Rodney glanced
around and grumbled,
“I don’t see anything that
could give off that amount of radiation, unless you count Colonel Sheppard’s last rectal deposit.”
“Beware of the leopard,” Elizabeth
piped up, tapping the left brunette bun thoughtfully.
“What are you talking about?”
She pointed to the sign on one of the lavatory
doors. Etched into the chrome shielding were the words “Beware of the Leopard”
complete with a diagram of the mentioned animal. The words were signed by someone with the initials DNA. The energy detector
in Rodney’s palm hummed insistently when placed near the door.
They glanced at each other. It was now
or never. Elizabeth kicked the door in and immediately they shielded their eyes.
A strange device was glowing strangely on the back wall of the cubicle. Rodney gasped.
“It’s…” He paused,
disbelieving. “It’s a flux capacitor!”
“What’s it doing?”
“I can see that,” she snorted,
rolling her eyes.
“You know I never believed it was
possible for one to exist. I mean, Back to the Future is highly improbable and
(At that moment, though they didn’t
know it, the Heart of Gold was silently cruising through the system. The Improbability
Drive had been regrettably turned on by a descendant of apes who was craving tea.)
“Oh those movies…” Elizabeth’s
eyes widened and she exclaimed, “A time machine?!”
At that moment, the toilet facility began
to shake uncontrollably. The water in the toilet of this particular cubicle bubbled violently and turned the fetching colour
of blood. A man shaped object (which happened to be a man) shot out of the flux capacitor.
chanced in shock,
The Ancient clapped his hands together.
He giggled happily as he balanced precariously on the lavatory and slicked back his hair, which looked suspiciously like a
mullet. He cleared his throat and pointed at an odd number on the wall – this particular graffiti had gone unnoticed
by Elizabeth, Rodney and even the writer until now.
“Ahh, my dear princess and duck,”
Janus explained the numbers wistfully, “That was the day I invented time travel. I was dancing on one of the tables
in what you would call the mess hall when someone threw a canister of alcohol at me. I woke up under the table without my
clothes and next to a goat and that’s when I knew. The flux capacitor!”
“I’m getting a historical documents
moment,” Rodney whispered loudly to Elizabeth.
Janus looked delighted. He noted jovially,
along with a very scary grin,
“You have met the Thermians!”
McKay’s eyes widened. He pinched
himself. Still awake. He pinched Elizabeth. She glared. Ok so they were both awake.
he muttered, “What did Dr Fumbles McBunny say that punch was?”
“His special spooky punch,”
She supplied, eyes darting between the only exit and the nearest weapon (coincidentally a block of Kryptonite).
Rodney nodded sagely,
“Feels like college all over again.”
eyed him sceptically and decided she could pinch him back. She drawled,
“Am I to believe you passed the dutchie
“Contrary to popular belief, I have
a wild side,” Sniffed Rodney.
“Why would you say that?”
“Because I was in the room across
from yours on campus and you never touched the stuff.”
“You knew me from college?”
Janus was staring at both of them with
wild eyes then he shrieked,
“Pay attention to me!”
But right then the head scientist of Atlantis
was trying to interrogate more information out of Elizabeth Weir on her stalking habits in college. Maybe it was the punch,
maybe it was the fact that mullets are no longer appreciated as they should be, but this snubbing was taken hard by the visiting
“Pay attention to your god!”
“Eh?” Said Rodney, throwing
a perfectly executed scientist gesture – such an elaborate gesture was mastered by only the most genius people in the
universe and was extremely deadly to be on the receiving end of.
Somehow in the midst of this, Rodney hit
the flush button.
Janus, screaming and clawing at the air,
disappeared down, down, down into the toilet bowl and then to the u-bend which then began dumping him through the pipes. Elizabeth
shook her head and sighed,
“I thought we talked about you causing
untimely demises for people and/or solar systems.”
“Are you going to yell at me?”
“No,” She laughed, “Maybe
it’s the punch talking, but I want to tear off all of your clothes.”
She raised her eyebrows. He amended hastily,
“It’s too cold in here.”
“We’ll go to my quarters then.”
“But – but – you don’t
want to sleep with Darkwing Duck.”
“As a matter of fact, I’ve
always had crushes on Darkwing Duck and Rodney McKay. Now the question remains
– do you want to have sex with Princess Leia?”
Rodney grinned goofily.